Using Modern Technology
by Decoded3
Summary: All Tony wanted was a cup of coffee. All Steve wants is a newspaper. It's too early for this.
1. Itsy Bitsy

**Yeah, this is what happens when I'm hopped up on caffeine.  
****If you value your sanity...Then you need to realize that it won't last so ya may as well lose it sooner rather than later.**  
**That'll be a proverb A la Max one day. (;**

* * *

"Tony, can I borrow a Newspaper?" A tentative voice requested.

The billionaire was forced to tear his gaze away from the data on his Stark Tablet. He'd placed it on the table while he (very) impatiently waited for the coffee maker to finish doing its job.

He needed to make an upgrade. He'd been horrified when Pepper had presented him with a not-created-by-Tony-Stark coffee maker. It was insulting, really. Of course, that being the case, he probably shouldn't be surprised by it's sloth-like production. This..._thing_ wasn't a Stark Coffee maker. It had started producing the liquid gold approximately 40 seconds ago and it was decidedly 30 seconds too slow.

He turned at the question, eyebrow raised and came face-to-chest with Captain America. Immediately, Tony leaned away from the wall of muscle, both hands raised by his head in a gesture of surrender.

"Whoa, whoa!" He snarked, "Personal space, Steve. Making advances on the first date? Very naughty." Tony admonished with more than a hint of sarcasm.

Despite his words, close proximity to other people put the genius on edge. Almost everyone that came within spitting distance of him was usually out for his blood, so yeah, Tony Stark was uncomfortable with invasion of privacy. It was understandable. Really, it was.

The super soldier respectfully took a step back, apparently distracted, seemingly not paying much attention to the words, but clearly understanding the body language. Only then did Tony allow his eyes to travel to Steve's flustered face. He blinked in confusion, but chose to resist asking the guy what the problem was.

"Stark tower is 100% green, my star spangled Neanderthal." He replied in proud voice. Tony _should be _proud of this, why would the man who revolutionized clean energy decide to further pollute the atmosphere? That was what he liked to call pretty damn contradictory. Besides, it wasn't like the man didn't have the resources.

When his statement was met with a blank look Tony allowed an exasperated sigh to leave his lips as if the man in front of him were the dullest creature he'd ever met. But he did it in a nice way.

"No paper. That includes the 20 pages full of depressing updates kind."

"-but!"

Tony continued, disregarding the other's interruption for the sake of interrupting the interruption because being interrupted pisses Tony Stark off.

"Not a sheet of paper in the tower._ Zilch_. None, zip, negatory, nada."

With that, Tony returned his attention where it belonged. His coffee. He reached longingly over his tablet to remove the container and pouring the murky brown liquid in his cup.

Meanwhile Steve bounced up and down on the balls of his feet in anxiety. The billionaire didn't understand! Steve's eyes flickered from the man's completely at ease posture to the marble counter top in the center of the kitchen area 5 feet behind him. This was urgent!

"Tony!" He exclaimed, trying to convey the importance of the situation in his demanding tone.

In response, Tony lazily sipped his coffee, apparently unconcerned with Captain America's issues. He tapped the transparent surface of his tablet which was still resting on the counter top.

"STARK!"

That got his attention. The older man whirled around angrily, tablet and coffee in hand, to face Steve who was clenching and unclenching his fists, his tense body screaming stress. Stark was clearly irritated by Steve's lack of 'This-is-Tony-Stark's-coffee-time-and-it-is-sacred' awareness.

Did Steve not understand that his coffee was a work of art? It was meant to be enjoyed in peace. This particular cup of coffee probably cost more than 1/3 of New York. The super soldier would have been appalled if he'd known, but for the moment Steve's focus was elsewhere.

"What!" Tony demanded. "Don't you have a boy scout to find so he can earn his 'I-helped-a-buff-senior-citizen-cross-the-street badge' or something?"

"I- I just…I really need a newspaper." Steve's voice was small and strained, but insistent. He was still twitching and glancing fearfully behind him.

The billionaire grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'send' and 'Steve' and 'as donation to retirement home'.

"I just said there are none, _Rogers_. Stark tower is all tech. Just the idea of something so…primitive tainting my baby…" He trailed off and shuddered realistically. Then he leaned back on the counter behind him, entirely unphased by Steve's obvious discomfort. In truth he had been trying to decipher what was troubling his teammate, but he was growing tired of watching Steve fidget like an animal in pain.

"Here." Tony continued lazily, thrusting the nearly weightless tablet in Steve's direction.

The man grabbed it on reflex, feeling the sleek design against his fingertips. It was so…delicate. No, this wouldn't do at all.

When he raised his head to say so Stark waved a flippant hand in his direction and brought his coffee to his lips.

"What you're holding is a work of genius, _literally_. It has wireless connection anywhere in the world, has almost unlimited memory capacity, is untraceable, impossible to hack, pressure-resistant, water proof and transmits limitless data constantly. There's your newspaper, Cap, it downloads all the recent news digitally via satellite transmission. Go crazy." He said all of this as if the clearly advanced object were insignificant to him.

Steve turned his head to look behind him and cringed.

"Tony…are you sure?" He asked.

Tony was already walking away, he simply raised a hand in acknowledgement and said, "Yes, yes I'm sure."

Regretfully, Steve glanced at the technology in his hands before turning abruptly and slamming it down as hard as his super soldier strength would allow on the counter top behind him. The tablet met the marble with a crack that resonated loudly in the quiet room.

A loud exclamation of, "What the_ fuck_, Cap!" could be heard somewhere to Steve's left as he slowly lifted the tablet and glanced beneath it warily. The Captain smiled in satisfaction.

It's a good thing everything Stark engineers is virtually indestructible.

The spider never knew what hit it.

* * *

**The itsy bitsy spider scares the crap outta Cap,**

**Down came the tablet and smushed the spider, splat.**

**Tony spills rich coffee all over his floor**

**I'm never gonna drink this much caffeine again.**


	2. Impossible

**And this is the result of extra $.50 espresso. You're welcome. O:**

* * *

"Captain Rogers." The monotonous Brittish voice droned. It sliced through the silence of the tower and Steve jolted, nearly upsetting his chair and clutching his charcoal pencil so tightly the wood splintered beneath his grip, leaving a black smudge on his palm. When the shock abated, Steve released his hold on the poor instrument and sighed as it's remains crumbled onto his desk. He glanced up on instinct despite what Tony had told him about JARVIS not actually being installed in the ceiling- that he was everywhere- Steve couldn't bring himself to just address thin air. It was too…strange.

"Yes, JARVIS?" Steve replied politely. If his voice was slightly strained, the computer didn't remark on it. Steve wasn't certain he'd ever grow accustomed to speaking with a disembodied voice- or operating the toaster. Tony still wouldn't let him live that down. Having that many buttons and settings on a box that you dump bread into was downright unnecessary in Steve's opinion anyway. However, even though he may not have understood JARVIS, that didn't mean he had to be rude towards it.

"Mr. Stark's vital signs indicate that he is experiencing some form of intense emotional distress."

Immediately Steve was on his feet and, still addressing the ceiling, he made for the door, abandoning his sketchbook and demolished pencil.

"Where is he? Is Tony okay?" Steve demanded. Had something happened to him? What was going on? Had something happened to _Pepper?_ Concern bubbled nervously within his chest as he twisted the door knob hard enough to dislodge it from its station. His eyebrows drew together in brief surprise before tossing the destroyed knob aside and carefully nudging the door open. Sometimes his strength still managed to astonish him even now.

"Mr. Stark is located in the 13th floor laboratory, Captain Rogers." The AI replied automatically. Steve cut a right for the nearest elevator. "He does not appear to be in any immediate danger, however he is growing increasingly agitated."

Steve picked up the pace, practically jogging down the hallway and punched the down button when he reached the gleaming metallic indentation in the wall. It lit up instantly and Steve was through the silver doors before they could slide open completely. Anxiously, Steve rammed his thumb into the button labeled #13 and heard the subtle crack as the plastic gave way beneath his fingertips. He took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself.

What could possibly be wrong with Tony for JARVIS to organize a one-man rescue party? Steve was the _last_ person Tony would go to for help, which also gave the man cause for concern because clearly, he wasn't summoned by the arrogant billionaire himself which meant that he had no say in the matter. Seeing as Stark _always_ had something to say-

That wasn't good.

The super soldier's heart leaped into his throat as the possible scenarios raced through his mind- Tony trapped under fallen equipment, Tony injured by some sort of experiment gone awry. He recalled the way Howard had blown across the room and into the opposite wall by just a_ small_ explosion. Why would he set up a_ lab_ of all things on the 13th floor?! Steve wondered absently what fool would invite that kind of trouble. His thoughts came to an abrupt halt and Steve could have laughed at the absurdity of it if he weren't so unnerved. Of course. This was Tony Stark he was thinking of. Or, god forbid, if something happened to the reactor… Steve clamped down on the rising panic as it threatened to choke him and grit his teeth. Why the hell was the elevator moving so slowly?

Then the doors were open and Steve was rushing out and tapping in the key code that Pepper had given him for emergency situations. He was less than gentle about it, but luckily the seemingly delicate machinery was resilient and didn't crack or shatter beneath the force as he was admitted into the lab.

He entered the surprisingly uncluttered space and called out, "Tony?"

There was no answer, just his own voice as it ricocheted off the walls of the large, seemingly empty room. His eyes swept across the wide area carefully. A bench or a cart here, an overturned beaker there, bits and pieces of the Iron Man suit lying around for repairs and holograms hovering in mid air. He ducked below these, picking his way through the lab so as not to upset anything- or any_one_ if JARVIS was correct about the distraught billionaire- and tried to make as little noise as possible.

"Tony. Are you in here?" Of course he was in here, JARVIS knows his whereabouts at all times. He would have informed Steve if he'd left.

Suddenly, a loud, unmistakably distressed growl erupted to Steve's left. His head snapped around on his neck and he vaulted over a table, knocking over a chair in the process and sprinted towards the source of the noise, hoping to god that Tony was alright.

"Tony?!" He shouted in alarm.

And then he saw him.

Steve stopped dead, eyes wide._ What the hell was he doing?!_ Stark sat with his back to Steve, hunched over a work table, lamp trained on his chest and he was twisting what could only be the arc reactor with both hands in a violent, jerking motion. Steve gasped.

"Stark!" He barked in a harsh tone, hoping he could provoke a reaction out of the genius. No such luck, he remained lost in concentration, movements becoming even more desperate and even more erratic. Suddenly, Steve realized that an interruption now could be fatal. But god, it was making such terrible creaking and clicking noises, almost as though it were catching on something as Stark continued to wrench the object around. He needed to tread carefully. God only knew what would happen if something went wrong. Images of the dead arc, dark and empty, flashed through the soldier's mind and he had to forcefully push the thoughts away.

"Dammit!"

Steve blinked, swallowing hard, broken from his reverie by the frustration and anger in his team mate's voice. The billionaire was never anything but calm, cool and collected. He seemed almost...Unhinged and frankly, it was alarming. Clearly, JARVIS hadn't been exaggerating when he'd told Steve the other man was upset. Stark was more upset than Steve had ever seen him. He had to help him. Now.

Cautiously, Steve approached the genius so as not to startle him, dreading what he would find. When he was nearly beside him he said softly, "Tony? Stark, Are you alright?"

Said man made a truly horrific noise in the back of his throat, exploding to his feet. Pure rage and agitation flickered behind his eyes as he reared to look at Steve.

"NO, ROGERS. I AM NOT _'ALL RIGHT'_." He glared at a shocked super-soldier, who involuntarily took a step back, eyes landing on the thing in the other man's hand and his jaw dropped open in shock.

The smaller man turned and hurled the offensive object at the wall with more force than was probably necessary and stood as it clattered to the floor, chest heaving in rage, a scowl firmly fixed on his features." Piece of crap." He muttered. "That... is _ridiculous_- like_ hell_ there's a trick to it. It's- That's_ impossible_." The genius asserted. He stalked out of his lab, leaving a string of expletives in his wake.

Steve remained exactly where he was, a look of disbelief and amusement crossing his face. His eyes were fixed on the unsolved Rubick's cube lying on the linolium. Steve laughed so hard he remembered what it was like to have an asthma attack.

* * *

**I have no clever rhyme for this one.**


End file.
